I Can’t Breathe

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt ignored, unsupported, undervalued, or felt disrespected by someone? I know everyone has felt that way at one time or another. There is no drug that makes you ignore their words, or aloe vera to heal the heart wound caused by the individual(s), eventually you just have to… as one of my good friends would say, “go grab a ladder, and get over it“.  Forgiveness and a positive attitude is the only way to stop the virus of that negative action (or perceived wrongdoing) from spreading into every area of your life.

This past week has been hard for me. Last week, Monday – Wednesday I was working almost 12 hours a day trying to complete additional work over and above my responsibilities at my job. I finally completed it Thursday afternoon, and almost immediately after I did, I was terminated from my job for accusations from subordinate employees reporting that I verbally offended them. Well, how about them offending me with their profane language, poor communication skills, and unprofessional work ethic! Then I come home to a house where my opinions and feelings are constantly ignored. I even had an argument with my mom this morning before church, because she felt I was disagreeing with her, when I actually told her I agreed with her.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m crazy!! I’m crazy to believe that I should be treated fairly. I’m crazy to expect people to extend me courtesy and respect. I must have something wrong with me, because I do feel that if I was another gender or race (or even just someone else), an unproven accusation by a lower level employee could never have validated my termination… and my opinions just might receive respect in my own home :) .

This morning I felt like I was swimming in a deep pool, slowly sinking with outstretched arms looking for someone to take my hand and rescue me; but, no one made an effort to take my hand. I felt life’s problems suffocating me, like waves of water rising above my head. I felt that those who I thought would care, are merely bystanders watching me swim, with their attention focused on their own needs.

Well, I now realize that it was I who was wrong. I was wrong for placing expectations upon others who cannot help me. I expected help from the wrong source; I should have never looked to them for help in the first place, I should’ve asked God to give me the strength to swim to safety.

However, as the day went on… I spent the afternoon volunteering at church. There I felt the overwhelming LOVE from strangers (someone even bought me a fruit basket and a t-shirt for no reason), and I received an ENCOURAGING message from my pastor. I went to church empty and I left filled. Now I am able to FORGIVE those who wronged me, and continue to be POSITIVE because I know that God has given me strength to walk through the fiery trials of life without being scorched.

As I write this journal entry, I am beginning to understand why I’m the way I am. I’m the way I am because I have experienced love in a way most have never seen. They don’t know me, because they don’t know what real love even looks like. The Bible says in 1 John 4:8, that “…God is Love“.